Birthday

Yes, it is my birthday today but something is not right keeping me away from it. Not that friends betrayed me or what but I felt that I am walking alone on the streets. I don't really know how to describe it much tho. Maybe listening songs that got me turned off? Looking at scenes that suppose to be very happy but end up I felt sad about it. I didn't want to celebrate my birthday not because I felt bad response or love or whatever. I'm just too busy with my assignments for my graduation that I don't even have the time to sleep, shop and relax. Sorry peeps and friends.

Photos I've deleted but what you've found maybe I haven't found that file and delete it completely. Yesterday, you brought me to dinner with your house mates but before that I was listening emo songs played on your computer and sometimes the way you talked to me wasn't when we first met. There's a few times but I'm trying to accept it as who you were. Talked about together that don't hide things but what are you doing now? You found it and I told you like what I did previously when I found out yours. I asked you yesterday when you sound kinda bad when I called you, all you said was nothing. In the end I read from some sources and I got what you meant last night. You promised me things but you just did it for that few weeks and in the end you still did it and got back to normal. Did I treat you like that? I am really sad when I'm typing this right now. I know everything is my fault for not doing something right for what I've said and the words you've taken. I don't know what to say any more although I know I somehow felt what you're trying to think and being emo of something related to me without telling me anything. My apology.

Love

For the first time I see drops of tears from your eyes because you saw my past and worried very much for me. It means very very much to me that what I felt inside you is very bad and hurtful. Usually I don't let people to touch my stuffs except those closest to me which one of them was you. Although I just bought it, I just stuffed everything into it without checking and cleaning up the messes that you've seen. Just now while you were locked up in your room just for a minute, I felt something is going wrong which is why I kept keeping an eye on you. While you were assisting me holding my hands down from your place to the car, you said something really really emo and the situation is going more and more moody. You were afraid that I might leave you because you weren't good enough for me and you were tired of being around on your age. The truth is, why would I leave someone who cared for me so so much and love me more than himself? If I leave one day, it means that I didn't appreciate this relationship which a guy like you, it has been disappeared years ago. You said that even if he kept contacting me in any ways, you wouldn't mind because you believe that I'm yours it means that I'm yours. I love you either and that is why I'm spending more of my lifetime with you than my close friends and family that I'd abandoned or somehow neglected. Likewise, I went to your place immediately after my dinner with my family and in the end while you were emo you were somehow pissed when I was having a bad headache trying to listen and understand which part were you talking about. Yes, to be honest, I was really sad and kept asking myself which wrong did I do? Hearing part, I had a very bad pair of ears that couldn't hear properly. But no matter how, we do forget and forgive each other in a more mature way than just to avoid and not doing anything about it or guessing around and creating doubts. Please please stop using your soul to hurt your body with the habits you had anymore which it really hurts me when I saw it or not. For the health's sake, I rather you chose one of them instead of taking both of them just because of uncontrolled emotions. That is just for tonight and for the next time, if there is, I would stop you in whatever ways that I could possibly do. Lastly, so sorry for making a sad night for you but I could guarantee that I would remove and change as much as I could. I loved you very much too. Please take care and start to realize more on your health. Loves.

.iloveyou.

♥

Habits

I found a new habit of mine which is I don't even blog when I'm busy like most people would say what they are buzzing about. Well, I am me tho. But since today I'm free, I'll just blog a little on what I did these days. I am very very very busy with my work these days and my sleeping time was upside down. Actually I really liked night life which I think it is more quiet and calm, avoid traffics and such but unfortunately my human bod can't take it. I'm used to sleep like this since I was in my high school (Sri Garden). Lately, my boyfriend, Fylix, was so so so into gym and he said he wanted to build up some muscles to me more masculine and so he pulled me along either with some of his friends too. I am not doing any gym at any famous gyms neither "Fitness First" nor "California Fitness" whatever you name it. I'm just going for a cheap one which is "Titanium" which I think it is fine with a pay of RM 5.00 per entry. No matter what gym you are going to as long as you exercise, every gym is the same. Right? Not gonna build up any muscles but just gonna work out to keep myself fit :D

Oops before I do forget that my college's graduation updates.

Venue          :     JW Marriott Hotel

                         Jalan Bukit Bintang, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Date             :     23rd September 2010

Theme         :     VISIONS

Schedule      :    6.30p.m. - Exhibition

                          7.00p.m. - Convocation
                          8.30p.m. - Fashion Show

Ticket Price :     RM 100.00


p.s. : I know the price is a little more expensive than the previous term but I hope this term would be more fun and worth the pay. Enjoy. For any friends of friends of Interactive Media (I.M.) won't be graduating this term because of some errors. (:

Pissed

I am pissed. I am pissed. I am pissed. I am damn pissed at my stupid internet connection that was happening in my desktop computer. Working on my assignments already stressing me off and thought of chilling at the computer for awhile. Currently I think Facebook is making everything feels laggish and updating real slowly. It's okay and I went to my MSN to check if someone would chat with me. Found someone and chat a little while but waiting for no replies in both sides. Got pissed and called A and asked, and A said it wasn't A's fault while A is waiting for my reply too. It's the stupid internet problem or my computer which previously got polluted by the stupid virus that my brother did although it is somehow cleared. Chat with B in both Facebook and MSN and in the end looked for B. Was happy at the beginning till C kept calling and I guess B was pissed going around looking for shops that are still open for us to dine and C kept calling, calling and calling till both B and I were pissed. Sent B home and went out somewhere to breathe alone. Releasing some stress that supposed to be released hours ago. I know it's my attitude that it somehow ruined the whole thing but it's like I'm stuck in a deep hole and yet you're to pull me out of it than to put more sand into it. The whole condition was in a pissing mood and sorry for attitude-ing you and all the shits that I've done. Next time, I'll just do it alone.

I don't know what's happening to my life every now and then during August. To all friends of mine, I would say I actually forgotten that my birthday was close until someone reminded me. Actually all I wanted to say is, this year I don't think that I'm gonna celebrate it because I don't even have the mood to do so. Sorry friends. If someone would have said that I'm being "perasan" here, I'm just saying so and I didn't meant that there's any celebration or surprises. Not in a very good mood these days where everything seems to be very troublesome.

Squeezed!

My feeling now is feeling so squeezed. This evening went out with you and you gave me that kinda reply when I was trying my best not to be so stressed up over family relationships and you and his post. 08-08 is really not my day.

Case #1
A and B got quarreled and I got blamed because A was trying to "joke" with me and I told B about it and they quarreled and A asked me to settle it because I created it. You were the one who "joked" me and you said I started this mess. Then can I ask you a question within your age, is it fun enough for you? Why don't you just joke with someone else than your own family member. You knew this wasn't the first time and now you're doing it again. Are you a fool? You're pushing your bloody dirty stuffs to me and I ain't gonna apologize for it.

Case #2
C and I went out for C's lunch and then to KL Convention Centre to buy my external hard disc. It's crowded enough and I know I wanted to get something and once it's done we'll just leave immediately. I'm not blaming but C gave me those reply that makes me feel like maybe I should just shut up and talk to myself or something. Now it makes me feel crowded in myself. All of a sudden while taking things from C the feeling is so so cold that I felt like I'm suffocated. It's okay it's my fault I know.

Case #3
Went out for D's celebration and E was there also. Reminds me of the post that E did that "someone" told me that it's updated and so I went to read. I simply just couldn't accept the fact that this happened on me blindly. Seems like I'm the one being a fool, spinning around and around over and over again. It's like finally that blunt knife pierced into my heart which was more painful than breaking up. I didn't had any feelings during broke up but much hatred. I've already got over E but things said in that post I simply can't accept it as now I know myself that I'm in a relationship. Simply speechless.

I held my breath the whole day just to hope everything goes fine till the end of the day. I felt more like a burden now and everything just came into me today and I can't even hold my tears. I have to cry alone in my room so that I could just breathe a little. Yes, I am being rude at times but I'm awake. It seems like everything fell on me already and I hope I don't spoil any other things anymore.

Leave me alone.

I am not happy at all to see and finally knew the truth of that the fucker saying that the fucker just cling onto me just to wait for a chance from another fucker. This fucker doesn't even worth to be a human either. I felt full of regret for not holding myself strong enough when I was younger and hasn't put on that step. For now, everything is over long ago you're not even worth to be my friend. What I hated most is playing with my feelings no matter they are the closest or the farthest relationship from me. Keep dreaming like you wished to and I hope I'll appear just to stab you! Get lost from my life! Mother fucker!

Specially dedicated to the person of you know who you are..

o0o

Backstab?

I don't understand why you wanna be like this for which I think you don't have to be so childish over to write over blogs and Facebook to "announce" about me being irresponsible for the first time. After I saw your Facebook status that you wrote in your own language, I said fine okay it's my fault I strongly agreed. Tonight as I was chilling with my work, I went reading blogs and I saw yours. What the fuck is wrong with you man? You want your cab fees I can even double pay you back! Fine you wanna end this shitty friendship go ahead I don't mind on what you SEE with your eyes and judge on how people is. I think it's very okay to write in English so that everyone could understand than misunderstanding to quarrels. Every time when we wanted to hang out together you ignored and when we asked you, you won't share but only us sharing to you. It's okay. Making friends, I don't like to be so fussy and being fair or not but being right and wrong. So now whats the point of being friends since one small little mistake you make it as such a big deal and when we cared for you, you ignored? Since in your Facebook, you've dropped every single detail of your everything why don't you show your "fierceness"? If you're that fierce, we settle it face to face as adults instead of scolding in a social website? This is what you see me or maybe I can say "us", then forget it. I don't have to say it 100% clearly that you know who you are.

I would want to apologize to most of my friends although it's kinda late to do it by now that I'm being irresponsible that I've forgotten to inform you guys via Facebook as I've lost most of your contacts due to my phone's cacat-ness. 

.- o0o -.