Lost

A bitch yelled at me saying that my boyfriend bring me out till midnight everyday when there's a party or tea sessions. She accused him for bringing me out but that night I wasn't with him. I was chilling myself somewhere in a dark place in my car alone. I can't accept what he told me to give him a 2 weeks break just because he is stressed out of exams and wanting for a new laptop. I don't understand why can't we face stress together when we're studying now and there are even more heavy stress outside where one mistake and it is gone?! Sorry, the truth is I seriously can't accept this thing. Especially when we're going for tea session that night, you asked me to drive myself there and you were sorried cuz' you couldn't fetch me. My tears immediately came down after I read this message from my own boyfriend. In the end you fetched me and I asked you in the car why don't you fetch me or is it that difficult? Am I still your girlfriend or what am I to you? Do you know how hard to feel dangling around like I don't even know who am I now. What you answered? You said you have these feelings too but did you share as you told me to? You leave me alone in the middle of the world when it's still spinning. Until now as I was blogging, I'm still very very very upset and lost about it.

I don't understand why that bitch wouldn't let me to couple as now I'm already turning 19 this year. I started a relationship seriously when I was 18 which is last year. I did everything and managed in order. My results were fine in college, why can't I get to couple during my college life? Can't I get some rights of being after 18? You PARENTS don't even support me when I said I'm graduating this year but rather you ask that brother which is graduating like few years more. I know as a girl should be more careful. I'm not a dumbfuck and I'm not a fucktard. I know how to think and act on what is right and what is wrong. You wanna find his family you go ahead! I've just tried to chill myself down yesterday and now you've gave me another. I don't know why you keep thinking I only have this particular friends. Can't I make more friends and everytime I go out I will go out with different friends?! Who would go out early in the morning?! My friends don't have classes?! Why wouldn't I go out in the evening you would say that I always don't come back for dinner! So, now I chose night then you complained that I come back very late. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? If I'm going for just an hour, I go out for what?! With you and your FUCKING OLD THOUGHTS are not working for kids nowadays. Do you know with your fucking thoughts, everytime when you scolded me for something which is not reasonable you forced me to suicide?! Now you gave me this question, bitch, which is "WHY THE FUCK AM I BORN?!" Spend time with family uhh? What you guys do is, come back from work, go to your room and bath then to kitchen for dinner and return to your own room. Is this what you call spend time compare to few years back?! Fucking tired of you guys. From young age until high school, I mix with guys more than girls. If you would want me to count the number of girls I mix with I still could count but not guys. You told me not to mix with guys cuz' you think that when I bring them home you think they will rape me and stuffs?! Care is care, do not over your fucking limits. I don't know what happen to this family who always judge people form their cover when they are not that kind of person! FUCK!

Am I that wrong that I only find friends when I really really need them? Try it when you're in a relationship, how much would you find your friends than spending time with your dearest? I don't know what I did wrong. When you have exams, you guys also need time to study and get ready for it. Until that your exams is over and holidays started, it is a fucking coincidence that it's my turn to have my finals. Can't I have some time to study for myself?! Seriously, I don't know this is the cause of selfishness in you or what. If you think you're studying and others is not? I know most of the time I'm free to hang out but not sometimes that I really can't.

When things go well, some kinda big thing is gonna happen. My relationship gone quite well these days then suddenly this big fat storm came and just hit my life. He needs a TWO weeks break just because he's stressed out, she yells at me because he brought me out until late night and wanted to talk to his family about this, friends fucked me off because I find them when I need them, and family financial problems and such. Why can I see every young people get to love and couple like my cousins but WHY NOT ME?! I don't even have the right to have a companion by my side to hear, to share and to experience together. I'm lost. I've lost many things that I have in my life before. I don't wanna mention who and what was it cuz' I don't wanna simply accuse like that mother fucking bitch.

Thank you for those true friends that commented and pm'd me to advice me and prevent me from doing so in Facebook and MSN. For those who thinks that the status in Facebook wasn't true and gave me a fucking reply as "bye bye" "go ahead" I don't fuck care who are you but I have the guts to jump off or suicide in any ways. Although I know it won't be any better than going to the other world, but it would be better than staying here to see everything comes and makes you FUCKED UP!

.NOLIFE.