Writing another emo post again. Everytime I felt useless being a coward girl.. I really put everything on him now. So what? What did I get treated? Until now even that 2 weeks on leave thingy passed, I still couldn't accept it. I scolded you useless and what did you replied? "Ok. I'm useless." ? That's it? I took a lot of courage to try to signal you but what did you did? Do you think bringing me for food and recently just a few movie is enough? You said you care and yes you did but very harshly. I don't know how suckish you treat a girl but I swore you treated me with your kind of attitude suckishly. Although I have my attitudes also, but I would wanna ask you this, "Out of how many girls who doesn't have this kind of attitude?" find it and she's yours for sure but I'll pity her even if she don't care.
Everytime I thought of breaking up, have you thought of why am I saying that instead of keep asking me why am I the one who kept saying "break up"? Everyone thought that you are not worth to be with. Even if a girl could it'll make her life miserable. Who is the girl? Me. I've always look up on you and ignore what ever comments I've heard of but what you've proved to me? Today I wasn't happy at all. Not that I'm not happy then I couldn't sleep. It's just that this question keeps popping up my mind, "Why are you still stuck with a guy that never bring a smile for you everyday?". I really tried very hard to keep my words that I won't break up with you anymore but once I did, I really missed you. People asked what do I like about you and I couldn't answer a thing and the answer is just a like. You're pissed and so am I. You're tired and so am I but I just won't let things just dump aside and then get my rest and solve that later.
Seriously sometimes when you pushed me to a corner and I chose you over my family, you're actually pushing me to a corner where I turn to think of suiciding. I know suiciding is not a solving method but it just do. Sometimes I even hope that my feelings for you would fade as in I don't have to force my feelings to leave you when I really couldn't do it. Sometimes when I look at some couples and how they treated each other, it doesn't mean that I like him but I just want you to treat me like how he treated nicely. Being many months with you, there are tons of arguements and break ups we had. It's not working at all in a future relationship. How many sorries are we gonna say to each other? How many misunderstanding problems are gonna come by and made us argue? Being the fact that we just have to open our minds a little.
Every outtings it's just feel like I'm treating you as how I should be treating you but what did you do? Paying for my meals and fetching me along are not a big matter at all and any friends could do that. Have you ever ever thought of doing something which is meaningful and that could satisfy me a little where not just friends could do? Everytime when I'm out, I keep asking myself "What am I to you?" which I don't feel I'm your girl. We don't even look like a couple but instead we look like really well-known close friends.
I know after reading this you'll be stressed out but just to tell you, being stressed up is not a way to solve anything. What you always do is, get stressed, stop talking about it, rest, forget to solve it and became a barrier for you. I thought you're the one who promised me that you could paint my life with colour but instead it is still in black and white. Hope you could prove it to me that you really love me and appreciate me when I'm still yours. ILY♥
