Emo

Writing another emo post again. Everytime I felt useless being a coward girl.. I really put everything on him now. So what? What did I get treated? Until now even that 2 weeks on leave thingy passed, I still couldn't accept it. I scolded you useless and what did you replied? "Ok. I'm useless." ? That's it? I took a lot of courage to try to signal you but what did you did? Do you think bringing me for food and recently just a few movie is enough? You said you care and yes you did but very harshly. I don't know how suckish you treat a girl but I swore you treated me with your kind of attitude suckishly. Although I have my attitudes also, but I would wanna ask you this, "Out of how many girls who doesn't have this kind of attitude?" find it and she's yours for sure but I'll pity her even if she don't care.

Everytime I thought of breaking up, have you thought of why am I saying that instead of keep asking me why am I the one who kept saying "break up"? Everyone thought that you are not worth to be with. Even if a girl could it'll make her life miserable. Who is the girl? Me. I've always look up on you and ignore what ever comments I've heard of but what you've proved to me? Today I wasn't happy at all. Not that I'm not happy then I couldn't sleep. It's just that this question keeps popping up my mind, "Why are you still stuck with a guy that never bring a smile for you everyday?". I really tried very hard to keep my words that I won't break up with you anymore but once I did, I really missed you. People asked what do I like about you and I couldn't answer a thing and the answer is just a like. You're pissed and so am I. You're tired and so am I but I just won't let things just dump aside and then get my rest and solve that later.

Seriously sometimes when you pushed me to a corner and I chose you over my family, you're actually pushing me to a corner where I turn to think of suiciding. I know suiciding is not a solving method but it just do. Sometimes I even hope that my feelings for you would fade as in I don't have to force my feelings to leave you when I really couldn't do it. Sometimes when I look at some couples and how they treated each other, it doesn't mean that I like him but I just want you to treat me like how he treated nicely. Being many months with you, there are tons of arguements and break ups we had. It's not working at all in a future relationship. How many sorries are we gonna say to each other? How many misunderstanding problems are gonna come by and made us argue? Being the fact that we just have to open our minds a little.

Every outtings it's just feel like I'm treating you as how I should be treating you but what did you do? Paying for my meals and fetching me along are not a big matter at all and any friends could do that. Have you ever ever thought of doing something which is meaningful and that could satisfy me a little where not just friends could do? Everytime when I'm out, I keep asking myself "What am I to you?" which I don't feel I'm your girl. We don't even look like a couple but instead we look like really well-known close friends.

I know after reading this you'll be stressed out but just to tell you, being stressed up is not a way to solve anything. What you always do is, get stressed, stop talking about it, rest, forget to solve it and became a barrier for you. I thought you're the one who promised me that you could paint my life with colour but instead it is still in black and white. Hope you could prove it to me that you really love me and appreciate me when I'm still yours. ILY♥

Unluckiness

I don't know what happen to my luck, and so as my dear's. We went for a movie and we ended early and went to Pudu for some desserts. Afterthat, we took a U-turn where it's kinda illegal but most people do it often too. Due to our unluckiness, the famous Malaysian police car came by and wanted to give us that golden ticket. In the end, we said we're students and we're going home and we just gave RM20 to shut them up. Went to Maluri, out of no where my feelings suddenly got emo and I don't know why either but he keep asking me and I answered I don't know why but he just can't understand that it is the truth.

Got back home and I drove my own car to chill and suddenly went to Pandan Indah to drive around the cafe shops. The famous Old Town Kopitiam there always have many double parking fucked up cars when the road is already tight enough. There it goes, I scratched my car on a stupid green Proton Saga and ran away. And I hated those people who drove Mercedes! who don't even let me to pass over first but instead keep coming on me. Grats on you that making me got scratched! DOG! I wasn't in a mood and even if I do, I don't even have any amount of money and my handphone with me because I'd forgotten to bring it. Well, lucky thing was that the owner of the car did not chase after me cuz' I even don't have enough petrol to run any further.

Secondly when I reached home, got a call from my dear saying that his car's glass got broke by anonymous. I was very worried and wondering if I should go and give a hand on any matter and so I asked him. He said "No." his mum and brother is coming to solve it somehow. He got scolded for nothing and I regretted for not being there for him.


Although you didn't treat me like a precious thing in your life, I still will care for you no matter what. Hope you could understand me better and rather hug me than asking many questions when I couldn't even answer you and then made you scolding at me. I'm just crying over because I'm stressed up in my life and yet you're pushing me to a corner just to answer you than calming me down in a better way. You have stresses and so do I but I just won't dump you aside like how you did to me. I felt so useless when you bumped into troubles and I'm not there for you and you got scolded for nothing. Even though if there's really nothing I can help but atleast I could see that you're safe which satisfies me a lot. Well, everything is over now. We're both unlucky today and hope tomorrow is a better day.

Friends Gathering

A gathering night with my friends namely, Tony Chock, Phoebe Tan, Anne Liew, Yip Siong, Jen Chung, Wei Zhong, Tiffany & Chee Yong, me & dear and lastly Woon who came after our dinner. We dined at the Thai restaurant at Pandan Perdana again because it's more casual and the food there is awesome too. *drools*
Then we headed up to somewhere near Pui Shing's house's new Old Town Kopitiam. Chit chat chit chat at the balcony till we paid the bill and everyone go back to their respective home :) Toodles!

Holidays

Holidays for Taylors but not for the Sunway and Raffles peoples. Just came back from drinking session with Woon, Tiffany & Chee Yong, me & dear, and Siew Ping at a Thai restaurant by a lake in Pandan Perdana. Woon is gonna go Cameron on Saturday till Sunday with his golden girlfriend which is known as a phantom to most of us because it's invisible. Then, the another couple, Chee Yong & Tiffany are going to Penang on Sunday till Tuesday. Geez everyone's going for their holiday and I'm just staying around KL because when I'm having mine, none of them has theirs. Sigh. Wondering when will it be my turn for a holiday?

By the way, Happy 19th Birthday to Summer Yean Pui Shing :)

Lost

A bitch yelled at me saying that my boyfriend bring me out till midnight everyday when there's a party or tea sessions. She accused him for bringing me out but that night I wasn't with him. I was chilling myself somewhere in a dark place in my car alone. I can't accept what he told me to give him a 2 weeks break just because he is stressed out of exams and wanting for a new laptop. I don't understand why can't we face stress together when we're studying now and there are even more heavy stress outside where one mistake and it is gone?! Sorry, the truth is I seriously can't accept this thing. Especially when we're going for tea session that night, you asked me to drive myself there and you were sorried cuz' you couldn't fetch me. My tears immediately came down after I read this message from my own boyfriend. In the end you fetched me and I asked you in the car why don't you fetch me or is it that difficult? Am I still your girlfriend or what am I to you? Do you know how hard to feel dangling around like I don't even know who am I now. What you answered? You said you have these feelings too but did you share as you told me to? You leave me alone in the middle of the world when it's still spinning. Until now as I was blogging, I'm still very very very upset and lost about it.

I don't understand why that bitch wouldn't let me to couple as now I'm already turning 19 this year. I started a relationship seriously when I was 18 which is last year. I did everything and managed in order. My results were fine in college, why can't I get to couple during my college life? Can't I get some rights of being after 18? You PARENTS don't even support me when I said I'm graduating this year but rather you ask that brother which is graduating like few years more. I know as a girl should be more careful. I'm not a dumbfuck and I'm not a fucktard. I know how to think and act on what is right and what is wrong. You wanna find his family you go ahead! I've just tried to chill myself down yesterday and now you've gave me another. I don't know why you keep thinking I only have this particular friends. Can't I make more friends and everytime I go out I will go out with different friends?! Who would go out early in the morning?! My friends don't have classes?! Why wouldn't I go out in the evening you would say that I always don't come back for dinner! So, now I chose night then you complained that I come back very late. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? If I'm going for just an hour, I go out for what?! With you and your FUCKING OLD THOUGHTS are not working for kids nowadays. Do you know with your fucking thoughts, everytime when you scolded me for something which is not reasonable you forced me to suicide?! Now you gave me this question, bitch, which is "WHY THE FUCK AM I BORN?!" Spend time with family uhh? What you guys do is, come back from work, go to your room and bath then to kitchen for dinner and return to your own room. Is this what you call spend time compare to few years back?! Fucking tired of you guys. From young age until high school, I mix with guys more than girls. If you would want me to count the number of girls I mix with I still could count but not guys. You told me not to mix with guys cuz' you think that when I bring them home you think they will rape me and stuffs?! Care is care, do not over your fucking limits. I don't know what happen to this family who always judge people form their cover when they are not that kind of person! FUCK!

Am I that wrong that I only find friends when I really really need them? Try it when you're in a relationship, how much would you find your friends than spending time with your dearest? I don't know what I did wrong. When you have exams, you guys also need time to study and get ready for it. Until that your exams is over and holidays started, it is a fucking coincidence that it's my turn to have my finals. Can't I have some time to study for myself?! Seriously, I don't know this is the cause of selfishness in you or what. If you think you're studying and others is not? I know most of the time I'm free to hang out but not sometimes that I really can't.

When things go well, some kinda big thing is gonna happen. My relationship gone quite well these days then suddenly this big fat storm came and just hit my life. He needs a TWO weeks break just because he's stressed out, she yells at me because he brought me out until late night and wanted to talk to his family about this, friends fucked me off because I find them when I need them, and family financial problems and such. Why can I see every young people get to love and couple like my cousins but WHY NOT ME?! I don't even have the right to have a companion by my side to hear, to share and to experience together. I'm lost. I've lost many things that I have in my life before. I don't wanna mention who and what was it cuz' I don't wanna simply accuse like that mother fucking bitch.

Thank you for those true friends that commented and pm'd me to advice me and prevent me from doing so in Facebook and MSN. For those who thinks that the status in Facebook wasn't true and gave me a fucking reply as "bye bye" "go ahead" I don't fuck care who are you but I have the guts to jump off or suicide in any ways. Although I know it won't be any better than going to the other world, but it would be better than staying here to see everything comes and makes you FUCKED UP!

.NOLIFE.