Anger

It's the very first time I see this kind of anger in my life not even in my family itself but the one who suppose to be as a part of the family. The yell was frightening and my heartbeat went really fast till I was really scared that I'm so gonna get whacked up. Sigh. I was very upset when I picked up the call and it was girl and it's one of the ex. Well, at first I got scolded for being so childish but actually I just wanna answer that I'm sorry I am. I doubt there's any girl out there will accept it 100% without thinking other doubts. And it was cured after awhile.

Just needed some companion but instead I got yelled. It's just few hours before I left you for a few days and then you can do whatever you want. Sadly, all I get is yelling before explanations that I suppose to speak out but I did not. I was really taking a nap after locking the room when I was kinda upset that you rather Dota than to stay with me no matter what just for that few hours although it's just laying down on the bed. But instead you banged the door that I locked. If I am that pissed of you, I would have locked all the doors including the other room's and the toilet's. When you're pissed, you always don't realise that whatever you're saying out are very direct that strikes the person's heart and even your loved ones. The patience is very important to me where you have to have it in many situations.

While I was crying by the door, there are voices that I heard that says, "Hey, it's okay. Just accept it as it's your life's luck." and the other says "Are you sure you gonna continue this? Don't you afraid that one day you became his wife, he will whack you when he's angry?" Although my thoughts now is more to the negative part, but whatever I do, I still don't think that I did hurt the feeling of love between us. Not me but just you. Even I have heard before that no one likes it when you got scolded and then slowly apologize for being rude or so, neither do I. While keep thinking about all these upset stuffs, I began to feel too over depressed and began to scratch my left hand down by the wrist till the elbow part. Every time I think of it, I'll just keep scratching till the cells are so red and dead on the skin. It's not that I don't wanna say sorry, it's just that you came in in flame that I have no idea to find an extinguisher to put it off.

Yes, you've scolded me and I only know how to cry because I'm hurt but are you? Yes, I don't like it when I'm here and you were playing Dota but that was what I've told since the last argument that makes a near break up again. Atleast, I'll just shut up and keep quiet so that I don't say things that hurts that makes me thinks that it's so awful. I understand because it's not just once or twice but I have had it more than enough before.

When you were talking to me through the whole journey and even that few minutes short "talk" in the car, I really kept thinking of will you beat me up? Should I break up to avoid? But what I think avoiding wasn't the idea anyway just kept calm again than to do anything wrong.

Reached destination and went to eat. While ordering I have asked if you want to although it's not really that proper. I actually forgot that I need to borrow some cash to you but instead you just said that my anger doesn't mean that it shows that you don't have it too and you just walked away like that when I was giving you the money. Fine. I'm not blaming anything. I'm just gonna be emo for like, a week? Weird questions like should I be going back coming week? should I continue? I don't know how to answer it but just ignoring those questions. But even if you saw this, if you think that I wrote this just because I wanna boss you? I'm sorry I'm not but I'm trying to write my feelings out that have been stuck there for long.

P.S. :-

I really love you,

but it kept hurting me deep inside,

how and what should i do?

my heart is going to be sliced into half soon

remember?

can you be my pain killer pill?

all these,

was just a silly dream that i'm falling into.

please wake.

sigh.