I'm very very very disappointed at myself that I think I expected too much. As you introduce me, I know you were very shy but still others helped you to say the word that you were too shy about to speak it out. Why would you say "yeah something like that.." and "can say so la.." since others helped you spoke it out already? The dinner was fine and I'm okay with them. They even treated me better than you do. During the entry and intros, I've already got such impressions. Then, while we're waiting for the next dish, you told me you've signed up for the gym that she went. I remembered that previously you said that she'd stopped going to gym and when we met her together with you, she just said that she just finished her gym there. Fine. After dinner, you fetched me home and didn't even ask me where would I like to go or maybe a movie for two of us only? Instead I was the one should be telling you what a boyfriend should do but you ignored and ask me whether I would find her for a tea since we're near her place. Never once you'd ask me for a movie unless I did. Reached home you said I was angry when I was holding up my tears and very upset and depressed. Obviously, I pretended in front of you that I wasn't. On the phone you said you heard I was crying. There I expected again that you'd say you're coming to look for me now as you said last time you would sacrifice for me. Done. What I heard was, I'll come and find you tomorrow 12pm okay? There's still tomorrow to come.
Somehow I just felt am I really that bad or just friends? The whole dinner is just like introducing to your family as a friend. Everyday I kept asking myself a question that till now I couldn't even get a perfect answer from anyone and even myself. As I'm typing this post, seriously I'm crying like shit right now. It's the worst thing ever in my life. You asked me to treat you better like before, now I did and what I get wasn't the one I want. Even to treat you better, I tried to protect my feelings for you before it 100% fades away eversince October. You've never once taken my heart away before and you've failed many times and the word "sorry" I've heard for tons. Everytime we almost broke up officially, you said a lot of good things that you make me not to break up with you just because you can't leave me. End up your promises never ever come true. Not even one. You said that you'd listen to me and promise me and whatever shits that you'd say just to make me refuse are all bullshits. Now, you made me feel regret that I let go of him, patched up with you, and those break ups before. You kept saying you're a beginner. Don't you observe everywhere around you how bgfs are treated? Why do you even care what people see and thinks about what your action is that is what I strongly don't understand about it.
Now there's another scar. How many scars have you made? How long should I stand? What am I in your eyes? Am I actually doing the one-sided love you said before? How much love left from me for you? Can you ever ever know and see deeply what my feelings were? What my tears were? I just can't believe that you still can hang out with your friends with giggles after I've heard your accidentally recorded voicemails. Seriously, I can get over it and I WON'T LET GUYS RUIN MY LIFE! It's my fucking life damn it!
How you expected, I granted most. What I expected never comes. All this were strangling me. Nothing else in my mind but break ups.
Me & Eric dear ;)
Eric with the guys.
Eric with the girls.
Praying for the cake to BOOM!
Slice!
Next pair, Ivy & Phoebe's turn.
While asking for a lil' favour/help from Yit Han, there goes grabbing the camera away and start taking photos with John. This picture might look kinda gay but it's not! I like it :P
Lastly, TRIOs.
Tadaaaa~ This is one of my subject as finals. Although it's not a pro standard yet but still I like it.
And we pulled the sleepy Yen ;P